An officer of two ships
Posted on 02 Feb 2026 @ 11:41pm by Lieutenant JG Ryan Collingway & Lieutenant Commander Riah Amberlyn XMD
Edited on on 03 Feb 2026 @ 5:53am
1,604 words; about a 8 minute read
Mission:
Lathira Shoreleave
Location: Counseling :: Emerson's Office
//Counseling :: Doctor Emerson's office///
Just because he was doing double shifts didn't mean he could ignore his mandated therapy. But for the first time he approached it with determination, not fear. What happened to the Thysia was biting at his mind and he needed to deal with it. He set his schedule as temporarily unavailable at 1100 hours, sat in the chair, and looked at Doctor Emerson.
"I need your help," he began simply. "The Benzite data on the USS Thysia. I need it.”
“That’s an interesting way to begin a therapy session,” said Kris, serious, no evidence of alarm, and with genuine compassionate curiosity. “Go on."
Ryan hesitated. "Commander Harlen found out that none of the tactical components on this ship were actually tested, despite someone signing off on it after installation. He is currently using most of us to tear open systems and make sure everything is actually functioning."
He looked away. "And I think to myself, the Thysia was not much older than the Arawyn. When the attack happened, I was in Engineering, not the bridge. Everything happened so fast, but I don't remember them firing off a single shot."
He tried to fight past the emotion inside of himself and just state the facts. "I try to tell myself it doesn't matter either way. A science vessel had no chance against the borg whether they fired off a shot or not. But...I still want to know.”
Kris saw the emotion on his face and in his body language. “Ok. It’s likely that is all very top secret and restricted access. Perhaps Captain Corbin could facilitate getting some more detailed information. You can start that process personally by going to Cmdr Batenburg. As XO, she the first step to approaching Captain Corbin about it. But I’m curious that this experience in Engineering is generating an upsurge in the urgency of your research. How is that? Think about your emotional reaction here, not just the fact that Arawyn may or may not be more prepared for the eventuality of battle than was the Thysia?”
Ryan hesitated at the question. "I think it's fair to say that a lot of engineering feels like it got caught with their pants down, so to speak. Commander Harlan says that there is no blame...but someone should have double-checked. *I* should have double-checked, instead of trusting Starfleet corps to do their actual job. Instead a brand new Lieutenant figured it out. And if this happened to our ship, it could have been happening on any ship. Is it just one problem, or a fleet-wide problem? Is it negliance, or deliberate sabotage? I don't know. Nobody knows! That's why it's scary. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe the Thysia has some of those answers." Emotions, and raw concern, made his voice raise a bit.
He sighed and looked down. "I'm not going to the Captain, or Commander Batenburg. If anything, I'll discuss it with Commander Harlan...much as I'd hate that option as well." He sighed. "I was hoping it would be easier to ask your counsellor friend. The one on Benzar. He had the data at one point."
“Having the data is not the same as sharing the highly classified data with a junior grade lieutenant engineer on a Starfleet ship at the request of his counselor, Ryan. I think talking to Commander Harlan is definitely your next option, and take that to Batenburg if you want, but I don’t think anyone is going to release those records to you. You are better to concern yourself with making sure the Arawyn is mission ready. I suspect Commander Harlan has already approached the Captain about the failure of the inspection and they are probably already working to call a deep inquiry into the situation. You, on the other hand, have an obligation to be the best engineer you can be, a very good and observant engineer it sounds like. I’m proud of you, very proud. Your whole persona is changing for the better every time we visit, Ryan. And you even touched on answering my question about your emotional response to this whole lack of inspection thing. Do you know what I’m talking about?”
Ryan was silent for a moment. "I do," he said. "But I am also a Starfleet officer. And that requires finding out the truth. I'm an officer of both ships. I think only a few can understand what that means once one is lost. If someone made that ship unable to fire-either through negligence or willful intent-then that's murder. And I owe it to that ship to find out the truth. Which means I need that data to be sure. One way or another."
He looked down. "I'll try it your way. I don't know Harlan too well yet. But he seems to be transparent enough. I'll let him know my concerns."
'And hope it doesn't end my career,' he thought but didn't say.
“It’s not my way. I think it’s the only legitimate path open to you. Have you got a lot of latinum to pay someone to steal that info for you? No. I don’t think you’d do that anyway. You need to get inside the larger investigation. I suspect if you explain enough of your story to Harlan, he will also wonder about what really happened on Thysia, and how it might relate to Arawyn, and will likely become your ally. Then your questions within the whole story of either ineptitude or sabotage can be addressed. Then you become part of that investigation instead of someone on the outside looking in,” suggested Kris.
"Okay," Ryan said. "He's been wanting me to trust him, and to report anything that seems off. It's not easy for me to do the first part...but I'll give it a shot.”
“Let’s talk about trust a minute,” said Kris. “You had been plagued by panic attacks when you came to me the first time. As I said, you’ve come a long way from that terrified individual. Now you are talking about trusting someone. Do you see the progress?
"I do," Ryan admitted. "Commander Harlan hasn't exactly seen me at my best. Involving him in something very personal to me...let's just say it would be a big enough ask for someone I knew since I was on board this ship. This is another level entirely."
“You’ve used two instances of naming emotions earlier: feels like they were caught with their pants down, and it felt scary. Do you see trust as a noun, or a verb, a choice, an obligation, a privilege, an emotion, or maybe all of the above?”
"I don't know," Ryan said. "I visited Commander Batenburg and practiced meditation with her. She encouraged me to label thoughts as I received them, and used emotions as a noun. Anger is present. Worry is present. As examples. I haven't been able to do that very effectively yet.”
Kris nodded encouragingly. “Yes, in that sense the emotions are a noun. Try to simply identify them when you feel them. I feel anger, or worry, or anxiety, or happiness, or joy, or concern. There are really a basic set of emotions under which most other emotions can be classified.
Glad,
Sad,
Fear,
Hurt,
Lonely,
Shame,
Guilt and
Anger.
When you are feeling something, try to name it under one of those categories. Also, notice where in your body you may have a sensation associated with that feeling. A rock in your stomach, a pinch in the gut, a buzz in your ears, a dry mouth, dizziness. Maybe you see something when you’re angry. The term I see red is based on experience. Think about that over the next week or so. Maybe make a little notation in your journal or calendar : Noticed a pain under my collar bone when I got pissed at Jack today. Man my heart throbbed out of control when I thought that gallon of paint was gonna fall of the ledge. Make sense?"
"Yes, I can do that," he agreed.
“And meditation. I was wondering about meditation for you. That’s good. I meditate and can say those thoughts never quit. My brain is never silent. It’s quiet and peaceful, but brains think; that’s what they do. But it you can just let those thoughts pass you by like clouds across the sky, or leaves floating down a river and out of sight. The mind, at least of a human, or most humans, there’s always the exception, will never be just a blank empty space. The thoughts float by, you just don’t follow their arrows leading down the rabbit hole associated with that thought. Also, it does take time for your brain to learn to meditate. Repetition is the key. Keep trying. Keep working with Commander Batenburg if you can arrange it. We can even meditate in here for part of a session if you like.”
"I'll...keep that in mind," Ryan said. "It's not easy for me to do, but I'll keep practicing."
"Isn't life just one big practice of one day for the next?" asked Kris with a chuckle. "You're doing great. Therapy is hard work, but you're starting to see what it can do FOR you, not TO you. Stick with it. Don't work too hard," she encouraged him.
"Well let's not expect too many miracles," Ryan said jokingly.
~~~
Dr Kris Emerson, PhD
Counselor
USS Arawyn
&
Lt (JG) Ryan Collingway
Engineering Officer
USS Arawyn
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