New Changes

Posted on 03 May 2026 @ 6:03pm by Lieutenant Kristin Emerson PhD, Counselor & Lieutenant Ryan Collingway

1,361 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: The Starfall Carnival
Location: Counseling Offices

///Doctor Emerson's Office///=

Ryan waited slightly impatiently in Kris' office. A return to duty also meant a return to mandated therapy on the same day, but Ryan wanted to discuss that part with her. He mentally prepared what he was going to say, and released a small sigh. He hadn't been this nervous in a while. He lightly tapped the armrest.

Kris hurried into the office, an empty cup in her hand. She set it on the desk. “I’m so sorry. Staff meeting ran over. I left them to argue amongst themselves,” she chuckled. “Something to drink?”

"Sure. Coffee would be good."

“Coming up.” Kris ordered the drink and one for herself from the replicator and handed one to Ryan before sitting down. For all the hurrying, she did not seem flustered or rattled. She took a sip of her drink and set it aside to focus on Ryan. “So, how’s it going?”

"Um, good. Shore leave was good. I got a rabbit. And a yo-yo. And...possibly a girlfriend," he said with a small smile, allowing himself to put his apprehension to the side for the moment.

“Wow, sounds great. Who doesn’t need a rabbit and a yo-yo. And a girlfriend as a bonus,” Kris laughed amiably. “Tell me more."

Ryan filled her in on the rabbit misadventure, and briefly his friendship with Nick (while emphasizing that he saw him as a friend rather than a counselor). He hesitated a little while talking about Alura.

"Alura is a free spirit," he said. "She doesn't want me to overthink things. I'm not sure if she is looking for a casual fling or something deeper. It's too early to tell," Ryan said. "But we did have this strange relationship from the start which became something more. It's...nice to think about," he admitted.

“Alura. Yes, she’s a free spirit for sure. You seem to have a healthy outlook on a relationship with such a free spirit. But back to just you. Have you been sleeping? Any anxiety? Inability to relax and enjoy life?” she asked. “How’s your overall mood been?"

"I...wasn't able to sleep at first," Ryan admitted. "I pretty much stayed in Engineering from the start of the attack to being at the Starbase. The Starbase engineers say that's common from engineers who come back from damaged ships. Things were a lot easier after I found out the Chief was on the mend. My mood has been a lot better since being on shore leave."

He hesitated, and decided to speak what was on his mind. "There is something I wanted to discuss with you. I faced a very difficult, traumatizing situation in engineering. I didn't freeze. I didn't freak out....mostly. I was able to handle it. I think I have moved past my initial trauma, thanks to you."

"I want to be released from mandated counselling," Ryan continued. "I know I asked that before, but that was out of arrogance more than anything else. I am willing to continue the counselling sessions weekly with you. But one of the reasons I initially couldn't trust any form of counselling was the constant threat of losing my rank and my place here if I didn't agree to it. I don't feel like that threat is necessary now. Not with what I've accomplished so far.”

Emerson was not surprised by the request. “Reasonable argument, Ryan,” she admitted. “You’ve come a long way in terms of your reactions to things, not freezing for example and taking on additional leadership responsibilities effectively and with success. What do you think you have learned about yourself through the therapy that has made that kind of change in reaction possible?”

Ryan hesitated. These type of questions were still difficult. "When I was first reassigned, I intentionally closed myself off because I was afraid of losing everything again-my ship, my commanding officer, and my friends. I've learned to open up and trust people again, and it made it easier to deal with the next crises when it happened.”

“I hear three things in that reply. One, acknowledgement of your feelings - emotions: closed off, afraid, grief, trust, hope. Two, you’re making the differentiation between those feelings from when you first arrived and now. Three, acknowledgment that crises happen. It’s not if they happen but when they happen. It takes courage and determination to admit that and live with that reality. You talk also about trust. On a scale of one to ten, where would you rate your ability to trust when you first arrived and where would you rate the resilience and dependability of that trust now?”

Again, Ryan was careful with his answer. "I didn't trust anything when I first arrived, so probably a one. But as we both know, the decision to tell the Captain about my history was taken from me. She could have ordered me off her ship, and instead trusted me with one of her most vulnerable departments. That's earned a great deal of trust in return. So, probably at least a solid seven or eight. I really don't know her very well to go higher than that."

"I'll still question Command decisions, especially if I don't have all the details," he added. "But that's just in my nature.”

“And that’s good,” said Kris. “A good executive officer will play the devil’s advocate when necessary. Don’t lose that quality. So, correct me if I’m wrong. You rate your ability to trust in a situation, trust yourself and/or others, at about a seven or eight? That’s a big improvement. And to recognize that is huge, considering how challenging you have found it to be just identifying your personal emotional categories. You’ve opened up to me, and I’ll venture to guess you have opened up a little to others as well. Maybe not in the same way as here in personal counseling, but have been more open in relationships.

She paused and took a sip of her coffee, allowing the acknowledgement to sink in before continuing. “I still have a couple of critical questions. We’ve been, by circumstances, very focused on the current events on Arawyn. There’s also the rough topic of your family, which we have pretty much ignored for a while. Your father in particular. How are you feeling about that situation in light of this newfound courage and self-awareness?”

Ryan released a small sigh of irritation. "He sent me a letter," he said. "It was very generic. He heard about the attack and was hoping I was doing okay. It was the type of letter he would have his assistant write or something."

"After the attack, I had a lot of dreams I would fail, and the warp core exploded. A lot of that comes from him and his expectations, I think. My experience overrode that, and I was able to get the job done. It's still a difficult subject to talk about, otherwise," he admitted.

“I know that the relationship with your father is a thorny one," said Kris gently. "Perhaps that is where you should consider focusing your therapy going forward. It is well-known that our unresolved relationship patterns with our parents tend to be mirrored in our other significant relationships, intimate and professional. What do you think?” asked Kris.

"Joining Starfleer was my way of dealing with that relationship," Ryan said simply. "But yes, I can work on that."

“That may have removed you from the proximity of the relationship, but hasn’t healed you or the relationship. I think that is a good place continue your therapy. I’ll have to think about releasing the mandatory counseling and check with Dr. Amberlyn, but I’m very hopeful she will approve a trial period at least.”

"I would appreciate that," Ryan said. He knew that removing the metaphorical leash around him would help him trust even further, but didn't press her. He let his actions speak for itself. "Thank you."
~~~

Lieutenant (JG) Ryan Collingway
Engineering Officer
USS Arawyn

Doctor Kris Emerson
Counsellor
USS Arawyn

 

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